every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
