Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
