I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
