It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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