I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
