am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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