that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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