You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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