somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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