Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The dick lei will go down in squad history
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
