I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
the night ended with taco bell and tears
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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