If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
