the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
