but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
