We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
