I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize