Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
