You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
