I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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