You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The power of my boobs compel you
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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