Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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