I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
