Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
