Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
