I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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