Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
