if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
