You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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