I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
