the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
