I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
