Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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