this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
she peed on how many people?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
