Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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