If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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