Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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