just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
