Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize