I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
