i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
