I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
