all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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