And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
