so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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