peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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