I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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