i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
