Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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