In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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