Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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