i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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