i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Ketchup is God's man juice
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize