omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
