things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Randomize
