What a fucking waste of an outfit
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
