Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
