I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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