New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize