it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize