It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
