You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
