addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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