then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
