I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
