dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
