Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Dick very happy bro
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
