worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
