Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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