omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
