Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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