I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
