Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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